This jumbled thriller from David Givens will make you commit seppuku. Want my sword?
It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you…
Yeah, yeah. It’s been two years. What can I tell you? Shit happens. But hey, at least we can pick up where we left off: reading shitty books so that you won’t have to. All we can offer is our apologies and promise to update as often as we can. We’d offer you hookers and blow but um, I don’t like sharing my shit. So…let’s get into it, shall we?
Triple Crown farts out another one with David Givens Betrayed, a yawn-inducing thriller set in the mean streets of…Waterloo, Iowa? Anyway, it’s centered around a cold, calculating pharmaceutical representative named Darrell “The Sandman” Jenkins, who finally meets the love of his (brief) life when he crosses paths with high yella exotical stripper Sherrice Valdez. How do I know that she’s “exotical”? Because once it’s mentioned, we’re never allowed to forget it. We are reminded of Sherrice’s natural beauty and long, flowing hair in practically every chapter. In my head she’s an amalgam of Lisa Raye, Jennifer Freeman, and Spongebob Squarepants. By the way, her stripper name? Carmel Delight. I’ll never look at dairy creamer the same.
Of course, the road to true love is fraught with problems in the form of crazy babies mamas, rival drug dealers and Sherrice’s wackjob roomie Lashay, a swarthy slattern who can barely hide her contempt for her exotical “long hur don’t cur” girlfriend and her new “dick weighs a ton” beau. In fact it is her insane jealousy that causes her to set Sherrice up to be raped by Sandman’s rivals. When Sandman comes to her rescue, hilarity ensues. It’s clear that the author watched waaaaay too many episodes of Batman in his youth because his description of dude’s bad guy takedown reads like a bad voiceover script. At the end of the fight we’re rewarded with this witty exchange:
“What’s your name?” asked Darrell.
“They call me Lucky.”
“Well I guess today your luck just ran out.”
See? Doesn’t that just make you wanna run out to the nearest Borders with money in hand?
Now, I don’t wanna give too much away for the 1.5 people who are still interested in reading this drivel but there is an OMGSUPRISEENDING!!!!!111 that you’ll probably figure out like, 10 pages in. That is, if you can get that far without punching yourself in the face for using your own hard-earned money to buy this bullshit. [Trust, the urge to self-inflict pain will be an overwhelming one.] And yes, you’ll even wonder if the original manuscript was written in crayon.
Final Verdict: Douse book in gasoline. Set book atop Steve Harvey’s head. Strike match.
It must have been painful for you to read this nonsense. Poor thing.
I used to get so upset when I would see people at my job trading these street “literature” books because there are so many other things they could be reading that would expand their minds, nourish their souls, and reinforce their love of life. But they rather read this type of bullshit instead. SMH